February 27th, 2018

At the closing ceremony of the Winter Olympics, Russian athletes were not allowed to fly the Russian flag. During the games, a Russian bobsledder who was photographed wearing an ‘I don’t do doping’ shirt failed a doping test. Officials only thought to test her after an olympic gift store patron wearing an ‘I don't like souvenirs’ trench coat was found to have $2500 in commemorative plush tigers on their person.

In the wake of the most recent mass shooting, many companies are cutting ties with the NRA. Meanwhile, the scissor lobby is doing better than ever.
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Yale introduced a new class called happiness that has become its most popular ever. Not to be outdone, Harvard will be offering a course on misery, taught from November through March, annually, and featuring guest lectures from disappointed parents.