Another bomb cyclone is pummeling the Northeast with high winds, flooding and a wintry mix. Some are arguing that if we gave high pressure systems guns, we wouldn’t have this problem.
The Academy Awards are this weekend. Oscars across the country are gearing up to make their best and only jokes of the year. In a completely unprecedented move, Oscar L. from Akron, Ohio is planning on snubbing Tostitos and instead awarding Keira’s week-old Triscuits best supporting snack.
At the closing ceremony of the Winter Olympics, Russian athletes were not allowed to fly the Russian flag. During the games, a Russian bobsledder who was photographed wearing an ‘I don’t do doping’ shirt failed a doping test. Officials only thought to test her after an olympic gift store patron wearing an ‘I don't like souvenirs’ trench coat was found to have $2500 in commemorative plush tigers on their person.
In the wake of the most recent mass shooting, many companies are cutting ties with the NRA. Meanwhile, the scissor lobby is doing better than ever.
Yale introduced a new class called happiness that has become its most popular ever. Not to be outdone, Harvard will be offering a course on misery, taught from November through March, annually, and featuring guest lectures from disappointed parents.
China just celebrated the new year. According to the Zodiac calendar, the year of the dog has just begun, which is odd because we’ve been stepping in a loud orange mutt’s crap for over a year already. The year of the dog is traditionally expected to be challenging for those born in a previous dog year. Maybe this will be the year we see Kate Middleton’s beige side.
In non-Olympic twists and turns, the Justice department indictment laid out how Russia interfered, organizing rallies and stoking political division via social media trolls. I’d like to go back to when trolls were naked with hair that doubled their height and they infiltrated children’s bedrooms. Those were much less threatening.
Meanwhile, a new instrument graced the stage this week at the New York Philharmonic, in a concert Forrest Gump would be sure to enjoy. Accompanied by a violin and drum, two soloists went back and forth playing ping-pong. Students in high school bands across the nation will become no cooler as they petition for ping pong as an instrument. This performance was received far better than the composer's piece last year that included an entire fraternity playing beer pong, including the youngest members wandering into the audience and asking viewers to buy them more beer.